Good Gambling Puns

Jan 16, 2017 Please sit back and enjoy this collection of (mostly) funny jokes and one-liners relating to Gambling, Sports Betting, Casino Games and everything in between Let's start proceedings with some. Sep 10, 2018 Why are spiders so good at the internet? They know all the good web sites. Why do programmers never run the AC? They prefer to open windows. What do computers do on a beach vacation? Why did the man get so sad his computer had a virus? It was a terminal illness. Why can't an IT guy keep a girlfriend? He turns them all off and on. Why do math teachers make good dancers? Because they have algorithm. What do a bowling ball and a blonde have in common? Chances are they'll both end up in the gutter. You know what really bugs me? Oct 30, 2018 48. Why do math teachers make good dancers? Because they have algorithm. What do a bowling ball and a blonde have in common? Chances are they'll both end up in the gutter. You know what really bugs me?

Geology is considered a boring and dry field and the same concepts are about the geologists. The people consider them very boring and do not like to sit with them. The picture is not as it seems to be. The geologists are also very pleasant by nature. It is the nature of their subject that makes them grave-looking people. They also cut jokes and puns with their relatives and loved ones. Here, I am going to list a few best puns and jokes related to geology. You can enjoy sending them to your loved ones related to Geology. It will amuse them too.

Geology Puns

Puns are basically the words with double meaning. It can explain the surface meaning something else and the inner meaning something different. There are very interesting puns for geologists you can use to amuse them. These puns convey interesting message besides a straight surface meaning.

'Don't Expect

Perfection

From Geologists

They All Have

Their Faults'

Why Wasn't the Geologist Hungry?

Because! They Lost Their Appetite

'If Something is Gneiss, Don't take it for Granite.'

One Tectonic Plate Bumped into another

And said….

'Sorry. My Fault.'

Geophysicists are the biggest hipsters

Everything they deal with is

Underground

'What did other rocks call the sandstone who thinks it's a volcanic rock?

A siliclastic'

Why aren't the tectonic plates allowed in the mattress store?

Because they make the bedrock……

Dear,

I hope you would like to study the volcano of love rising inside my heart.

Mention a book that made you cry?

Optical Mineralogy….

Sam: Did you hear the one about the geologist?

George: Yes! he took his wife for granite so she left him

Geology Teacher (to his student): What do you get when you mix sulfur, tungsten, and silver?

Student (Innocently): SWAG

What did the boy volcano say to the girl volcano?

I Lava You!

Why did the geologist take his girlfriend to the quarry?

It's very simple, he wanted to get a little boulder.

Geology Student to another: How did you drown?

Other Student: My grades were below C-level

Teacher: What is the difference between a geologist and a chemist?

Student: A chemist will drink anything that is distilled. A geologist will drink anything that is fermented.

Watson: Holmes! What kind of rock is this!

Holmes: Sedimentary, my dear Watson.

Geology Teacher: If H2O is the formula for water, what is the formula for ice?

Student: H2O cubed.

Did you hear about the geologist who was reading a book about Helium?

Yes, he just couldn't put it down.

George: What happens when someone throws a rock at you?

William: I hit Rock's Bottom.

Geologist (to his son): What do you call a periodic table with gold missing?

Son: 'Au revoir'

A siliclastic'

Why aren't the tectonic plates allowed in the mattress store?

Because they make the bedrock……

Dear,

I hope you would like to study the volcano of love rising inside my heart.

Mention a book that made you cry?

Optical Mineralogy….

Sam: Did you hear the one about the geologist?

George: Yes! he took his wife for granite so she left him

Geology Teacher (to his student): What do you get when you mix sulfur, tungsten, and silver?

Student (Innocently): SWAG

What did the boy volcano say to the girl volcano?

I Lava You!

Why did the geologist take his girlfriend to the quarry?

It's very simple, he wanted to get a little boulder.

Geology Student to another: How did you drown?

Other Student: My grades were below C-level

Teacher: What is the difference between a geologist and a chemist?

Student: A chemist will drink anything that is distilled. A geologist will drink anything that is fermented.

Watson: Holmes! What kind of rock is this!

Holmes: Sedimentary, my dear Watson.

Geology Teacher: If H2O is the formula for water, what is the formula for ice?

Student: H2O cubed.

Did you hear about the geologist who was reading a book about Helium?

Yes, he just couldn't put it down.

George: What happens when someone throws a rock at you?

William: I hit Rock's Bottom.

Geologist (to his son): What do you call a periodic table with gold missing?

Son: 'Au revoir'

Nick: What did the geologist say when his doctor asked him if he was ready for his colonic?

Jones: No FRACKING way!!!

Geology teacher (to his class): What do you do with a dead geologist?

Class: Barium

What weapon can you make from the elements potassium, nickel, and iron?

A KNiFe.

Why shouldn't you let a geologist drive your car?

Because they get hammered and stoned.

Geology Jokes

Jokes can make your time more pleasant while you are enjoying the company of your best friends. It can make your time more memorable if you are cutting the jokes relevant to the time and the person. While enjoying the company of your geologist friends, you can cut some beautiful jokes relevant to their profession. See below a list of interesting jokes and enjoy a memorable time.

Q: What do you call a can of pop found in a conglomerate?

A: Coca-Cola Clastic

Q: Why do Earth Science professors like to teach about ammonia?

A: Because it's basic material.

Q: What did the Cowboy Chemist tell his horse?

A: HIO Ag!

The relationship of lovers is like tectonic plates.

It breaks up

When the friction between two plates

Increases

Q: If H20 is water what is H204?

A: Drinking, bathing, washing, swimming.

Q: According to a geologist, why is the world so diverse?

A: Because it's made up of alkynes of people.

Q: What do geologists call a benzene ring with iron atoms replacing the carbon atoms?

A: A ferrous wheel.

Q: What's wrong with a joke involving Cobalt, Radon, and Ytterium?

A: its CoRnY

My dear, You called me a cool person

This rock was Magma before it was cool

Q: What did the bartender say when oxygen, hydrogen, sulfur, sodium, and phosphorous walked into his bar?

A: OH SNaP!

Q: How did the blonde define hydrophobic on her Earth Science exam?

A: Fear of utility bills.

What fruit contains Barium and double Sodium?

BaNaNa!

Good Gambling Puns Meaning

Why shouldn't you lend geologist money?

They consider a million years ago to be recent….

Teacher: What is the chemical formula for the molecules in candy?

Student: Carbon-Holmium-Cobalt-Lanthanum-Tellurium or CHoCoLaTe

Q: Why do Geologists go to Lollapalooza?

A: To get their 'Rock' On.

Q: What did the Psychologist tell the geologist?

A: 'Every decline is a great Break Through'

Q: What happens when you look up geology jokes?

A: You know you've hit rock bottom!

Q: Why was the sedimentary rock extra cheap?

A: Because it was on shale.

Why wasn't the geologist hungry?

He lost his apatite.

Why shouldn't you lend geologist money?

They consider a million years ago to be Recent.

Q: Why was the Geologist expelled from Reform School?

A: He was a dirty layer!

Teacher: What's black, white, purple, yellow and blue in the rocks?

Student: Sugilite, opal, and sardonyx fighting over a gumball.

Geology Teacher: Where do geologists like to relax?

Student: In a rocking chair

James: Why are geologists good at stand up comedy?

Nick: They know really 'dirty' jokes.

Q: Did you know that geologists are athletic?

A: Yeah, I read it in Quartz illustrated.

Check out our collection of funny gambling jokes. We are sure they will make you laugh. If you have any gambling jokes as good, upload them at the bottom of this page.

1) I just bet £100 at the bookies that they would find Maddie, at 1000-1 odds. That way, if they ever do find her, I'll be able to afford a fucking good lawyer.
Check out Really Funny Lawyer Jokes

2) Chuck-E-Cheese, because it's never too early to introduce your child to poor nutrition and gambling.

3) My wife has left me because I am a compulsive gambler. I'd do anything to win her back.

4) Poker is like sex – everyone thinks they're the best, but most people don't have a clue what they're doing. Dutch Boyd
Check out Really Funny Sex Jokes

5) What's the difference between prayer in church and prayer in a casino? In a casino, you really mean it.

6) A blond girl playing freeroll was taking her time and playing very slow. The timer was started and she still could not take a decision how to play the hand. Her friend asked her with surprise, 'What is going on? Why aren't you playing?' The blond girl replied, 'I am playing! I am just slow-playing aces!'
Check out some of the funniest Dumb Blonde Jokes ever

7) Why didn't the elephant like to play cards in the jungle? Because there were too many cheetahs.

8) They say one in every seven friends have a gambling addiction. My money's on Dave.
Check out Really Funny Money Jokes

9) What did the giraffe say to the tiger at the poker table? I thought you were a cheetah.

10) What's the difference between a poker player and a dog? In about ten years, the dog quits whining.
Check out Really Funny Animal Jokes

11) Whats the difference between online poker and live poker? You can cry after a bad beat online and no one will laugh at you.

Share these gambling jokes with your friends

12) Sign you might have a poker addiction: your kids are named check and raise.

13) I put a thousand pounds on a horse. The fucking thing collapsed.
Check out some of the best Horse Jokes ever published

Good Gambling Puns For Money

14) Chuck Norris won the World Series of Poker using Pokemon cards.

15) 'I am looking for the book named ‘How to win easily and fast with poker.'' 'Please check at the fantastic literature counter.'

16. Husband Comes Home After Gambling

I came home from the pub four hours late last night.

'Where the fuck have you been?' screamed my wife.

I said, 'I've been playing poker with some blokes.'

'Playing poker with some blokes?' she repeated. 'Well, you can pack your bags and go!'

'So can you,' I said. 'This isn't our house anymore.'

17. Professional Gambler Screws Everyone In The Bar

During the Great Depression, there was a man who walked into a bar one day. He went up to the bartender and said, 'Bartender, I'd like to buy the house a round of drinks.'

The bartender said, 'That's fine, but we're in the middle of the Depression, so I'll need to see some money first.'

The guy pulled out a huge wad of notes and set them on the bar. The bartender can't believe what he's seeing. 'Where did you get all that money?' asked the bartender.

'I'm a professional gambler,' replied the man.

The bartender said, 'There's no such thing! I mean, your odds are fifty-fifty at best, right?'

'Well, I only bet on sure things,' said the guy.

'Like what?' asked the bartender.

'Well, for example, I'll bet you fifty dollars that I can bite my right eye,' he said.

The bartender thought about it. 'Okay,' he said.

So, the guy pulled out his false right eye and bit it. 'Aw, you screwed me,' said the bartender, and paid the guy his $50.

'I'll give you another chance. I'll bet you another fifty dollars that I can bite my left eye,' said the stranger.

The bartender thought again and said, 'Well, I know you're not blind, I mean, I watched you walk in here. I'll take that bet.' So, the guy pulled out his false teeth and bit his left eye.

'Aw, you screwed me again!' protested the bartender.

'That's how I win so much money, bartender. I'll just take a bottle of your best scotch in lieu of the fifty dollars,' said the man.

With that, the guy went to the back room and spent the better part of the night playing cards with some of the locals. After many hours of drinking and card playing, he stumbled up to the bar. Drunk as a skunk, he said, 'Bartender, I'll give you one last chance. I'll bet you five hundred dollars that I can stand on this bar on one foot and piss into that whisky bottle on that shelf behind you without spilling a drop.'

Good Gambling Puns List

The bartender once again pondered the bet. The guy couldn't even stand up straight on two feet, much less one. 'Okay, you're on,' he said.

The guy climbed up on the bar, stood on one leg, and began pissing all over the place. He hit the bar, the bartender, himself, but not a drop made it into the whisky bottle.

The bartender was ecstatic. Laughing, the bartender said, 'Hey pal, you owe me five hundred dollars!'

The guy climbed down off the bar and said, 'That's okay. I just bet each of the guys in the card room a thousand bucks each that I could piss all over you and the bar and still make you laugh!'
Check out our awesome collection of Walks Into A Bar Jokes

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Related Links: 1. Gambling Jokes from Sickipedia.org 2. Gambling Jokes from Jokes4us.com

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